How to manage 'first times' after bereavement

Managing social events and special occasions after a loved one has died - such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother's Day or Father's Day - can trigger intense emotions.

These events are tricky to navigate for some, as they can be a reminder of the person you have lost. Where someone days you will be coping fine, other days will feel like a struggle.

But, there are some healthy ways to help process you grief and find another way to remember them.

In this article we'll discuss how to prepare yourself as these special occasions approach, and how to manage 'first times' after bereavement.

How to prepare for special occasions after bereavement

It's understandable to want to ignore these first times as they approach, because they can be very painful.

But, acknowledging that the day is approaching can help you feel in control of your emotions, and feel more prepared when the day inevitably arrives.

Additionally, don't worry if you don't feel sad on these occasions. Grief affects us differently day to day, so when the day comes, you might find that you are actually coping well. This is also a completely normal way to feel.

Should I celebrate?

This is a common question that a lot of people ask themselves - especially around Christmas and birthdays.

If it's the first year since you lost your loved one, you are especially likely to ask that question.

So, to answer the question "should I celebrate?" - there is no right answer.

Some people may want to continue celebrating the occasion in the way they've always done. Christmas usually involved many family traditions, and some people find peace if these traditions continue to take place.

For others, this isn't possible. It can sometimes be too painful to recreated their usual traditions.

Some people might decide to celebrate Christmas in a different way and create a new tradition, by volunteering during the festive season. On the other hand, some people choose not to celebrate Christmas at all.

The decision ultimately comes down to you, and what you feel most comfortable doing.

How to celebrate special occasions after bereavement

If you do feel comfortable remembering your loved one during a significant 'first time' after bereavement, there are a number of ways you can do this. 

Perhaps you might like to try lighting a candle, or writing a letter to your loved one. You could also try creating a memory box, and add in photos, drawings, letters, and mementos. 

Just remember, it's also OK if you don't want to celebrate. Do whatever feels best to help you get through this difficult time. 

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